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Encountering denial, especially when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. An editor is saying no, delivering a firm “Nope.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I began proposing manuscripts half a century past, right after college graduation. From that point, I have had multiple books turned down, along with book ideas and countless essays. Over the past 20 years, focusing on personal essays, the refusals have multiplied. Regularly, I receive a rejection multiple times weekly—amounting to more than 100 each year. In total, denials over my career number in the thousands. By now, I could claim a PhD in rejection.

So, does this seem like a woe-is-me rant? Absolutely not. Because, now, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with being turned down.

How Did I Achieve This?

For perspective: At this point, nearly each individual and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never kept score my success rate—that would be quite demoralizing.

For example: recently, a newspaper editor nixed 20 articles in a row before accepting one. Back in 2016, no fewer than 50 publishing houses vetoed my memoir proposal before a single one approved it. Later on, 25 agents declined a book pitch. A particular editor even asked that I send potential guest essays less often.

My Phases of Rejection

In my 20s, each denial were painful. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my creation being rejected, but me as a person.

No sooner a manuscript was turned down, I would start the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, shock. Why did this occur? How could these people be overlook my ability?
• Next, denial. Maybe you’ve rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an administrative error.
• Third, dismissal. What can they know? Who appointed you to decide on my efforts? You’re stupid and the magazine is subpar. I deny your no.
• Fourth, irritation at them, then frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Could I be a martyr?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably seasoned with false hope). What will it take you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, despair. I’m not talented. Worse, I’ll never be any good.

I experienced this for decades.

Great Company

Of course, I was in excellent company. Tales of writers whose manuscripts was at first declined are numerous. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each writer of repute was initially spurned. If they could overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his school team. Many US presidents over the recent history had previously lost races. The actor-writer says that his script for Rocky and bid to star were turned down numerous times. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and keep moving, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Then, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I reached the final phase of setback. Acceptance. Now, I grasp the many reasons why a publisher says no. For starters, an editor may have recently run a comparable article, or have one underway, or be thinking about something along the same lines for someone else.

Or, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or the reader thinks I don’t have the experience or standing to succeed. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the content I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and reviewed my work hastily to recognize its quality.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Any work can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Certain rationales for rejection are forever out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are within it. Admittedly, my proposals may sometimes be ill-conceived. They may be irrelevant and resonance, or the point I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe a part about my grammar, notably commas, was annoying.

The key is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have succeeded in being widely published. I’ve published multiple works—the initial one when I was in my fifties, my second, a autobiography, at older—and in excess of a thousand pieces. These works have featured in magazines major and minor, in local, national and global platforms. My debut commentary ran in my twenties—and I have now submitted to many places for five decades.

Still, no major hits, no signings in bookshops, no spots on talk shows, no presentations, no honors, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more readily take no at my age, because my, small achievements have eased the jolts of my setbacks. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all now.

Valuable Setbacks

Setback can be instructive, but provided that you heed what it’s indicating. Or else, you will probably just keep seeing denial all wrong. So what teachings have I acquired?

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